Sunday, October 29, 2006

The Pumpkin Gospel


Ross at The Gazetteer points out that the annual crapfest about the so-conned War on Christmas is already under way.
Is it just me or does the War on the War on Christmas start a little earlier each year? Used to be it didn't officially get underway until right after the annual War on Hallowe'en was over.

Say, are they still freaked out about pumpkins?

"How is the stuff we pulled out of the pumpkin like sin in our heart? (They’re both yucky; sin is inside us; it’s sticky and smelly.)
Draw a happy face on the pumpkin, then use the sharp knife to carve it out. When you are finished, read aloud 2 Corinthians 5:17 and/or Ephesians 2:10. "

Yup. Guess so.

Here at Creekside, we note that many churches are failing to festoon their windows with the traditional witches, bats, and skeletons of the Hallowe'en season. Black cats are nowhere to be seen. This scandalous omission strikes at the very heart of our right to impose ourselves on other people's good manners. Such slights must not be tolerated in a free society.

But it will take money. Lots and lots of money.
Smooth operators are standing by. The first 100 lucky donors will receive a free copy of our Defense of Irreligion Act, lovingly inscribed using a stick dipped in your choice of either fake blood or chocolate. Plus a "Black is the new black" bumper sticker.

So act now. And remember - it's not enough for just you to dress up like a slut and stuff yourself with candy. No, everyone else must do it too.

This public service announcement paid for by grants from Focus on the Fetish and the Institute for Marzipan and Familiars.

6 comments:

Q said...

The pumpkin gospel...heh, I guess Rocky Horror's out too.
I hate these despisers of all that's fun.

Gazetteer said...

Alison!

What have you done?

I mean, where will we, The Unbelievers, run and where will we hide when entire paragraphs of the 'Defense of Irreligion Act' turn up in the pages of the next Dan Brown blockbuster.

Not to mention the danger we'll be in when Mel Gibson comes to Lotusland to make Lethal Weapon XXXIX.

.

Alison said...

Hey Q, given the season, shouldn't you be wearing some kind of costume?

Ross, entire paragraphs?
My copy was written in chocolate with a stick and looked like it had been authored by Jackson Pollack.
Was pretty darn tasty though, afaicr.

Niles said...

One can only hope they don't carve out the icky sin inside with a sharp knife. All in the Halloween spirit.

One can only presume all the 'icky' celebrations of the "Day of the Dead" in Mexico is another reason they're off about latino immigrants. Me, I'm looking for sugar skulls and baking pan de muerto

Dave said...

Damn! What a GREAT pumpkin! Can you do one for me too?

Alison said...

Dave : Oh, you take this one and I'll carve myself another, being extra careful of course not to get any "smelly sticky yucky stuff" on me. Then I'll read aloud Winnie the Pooh 7:19.

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